Wait...watch...wonder

Bugger it, got tired of waiting so walked up the red carpet meself, wiped me feet on me own welcome mat and set off the fireworks to celebrate my own arrival.....

Oh, and I ate most of the stale cake as well...all that excitement gave me an appetite an' I couldn't wait for dinner.

Okay now I'm really P!ssed....thunderstormed on the red carpet n' people trampled mud all through it, so I wanna know where to send the cleaning bill.....

Also left (what was left of) the cake out in the rain....and I dunno how to take it, cos tha cook took so long to bake it, and sh'ell ne'er do that recipe for me agaaaain ....oh Nooooo!

so I wanna know where to send the cleaning bil

WWW Link???

#79

Thanks for that, Zubaz....at least it's a start. But I also wanna know how to get a hold of that summons server....got a score to settle there. Apparently it was he who trampled the mud all over me red carpet....and for good measure, pissed at the fact we weren't at home, he stood in some doggie doo-doo and wiped it all over me brand-new welcome mat.

Yup, seldomseen.....I reckon that's exactly wot he done.

Now I just want his addy....so I can Fed-ex an appropriate response.....

Was thinking about one of those auto inflate life rafts, you know the type, where you pull a cord a zap zowie you've an instant rubber raft for 12 + persons. The idea is to package it with a barrow load of cow-pats and attach the cord to the bow that unties the parcel's strings.....

I can see it now....cow pats all over his living room walls & ceiling as the raft burst open and entirely fills the room.

Oh, and I'd include the doo-dooed welcome mat as sender ID....might deter him from ever bothering me again.

Materials: Three people, 30' surgical tubing, 1/2 levi pants-leg, 1 bag 12'' balloons, fill with 90-weight gear-lube and tie off
Procedure: Cut tubing in two, tie each resulting piece to pants-leg, making a large sling. Two of three persons stand either side of front door, holding a free end of tubing. Third person, across the road, inserts a full balloon into pants-leg pouch and backs up to limit of tubing stretchability.
Ring Doorbell...
[I can put a 6" hard-packed snowball through a car window a block away if desired...]

[I can put a 6" hard-packed snowball through a car window a block away if desired..

Sounds good....tho I'd fill the balloon with some form of manure....and perhaps a larger version' d launch that thar darned process server inta orbit - n' rid the planet of tha dirty, unsanitary poop stompin' parasite.

Well if he turns up agin while we're out, I've got the guard cat trained to let him in the yard but not out....so's I can exact me revenge upon return. Have thoughts about super gluing him nekkid to tha toilet seat in a house set for demolition, causing him horrendous humiliation when tha walls come down, while putting on a hilarious show for tha neighbours.

So when does this "fun" party start?

Someone provides a proper keg like that and I'll party 'til the cows come home!   

Someone provides a proper keg like that and I'll party 'til the cows come home!

Careful there, I broke a front tooth like that when the @#$!@@$@ thing flipped over

Careful there, I broke a front tooth like that when the @#$!@@$@ thing flipped over

Just to clarify that, ta....was that 'effing' thing or 'flaming' thing? Just curious cos I wanna know if we're gonna need a bucket of water if it happened again...it caught fire that is.....

Put it this way...ever feel the extreme heat/see the ferocity of a rum keg on fire?

Went to the funeral of an innkeeper/distiller who drowned in a vat of rum...it took six ground fire units and three aerial water dumpers to put out the ensuing fire at the crematorium. Bit of a strange death/drowning really....he got out twice for a leak.

Just to clarify that, ta

'effing' it were, slipped outta me hands an banged me in the kisser it did...didn't realize it 'til the next mornin' tho' seein' as how I was into the best part of it by then

Couple of us had an idea to make a still one time.
Got an old guy from prohibition days to show us the ropes.
Worked so well I lost three years.   

'effing' it were, slipped outta me hands an banged me in the kisser it did..

That be no good at all, ta....and I bet ther missus weren't too impressed, either.... having to wait until it healed for a g'night kiss.

And tut tut on the eff word! It's the bane of modern society.....

If you use it in front of a cop who uses it himself, he arrests you for obscene language.
If you use it in front of a politician he/she legislates to increase the fine and has your vote for the opposition invalidated.
If you use it in a store/hotel/restaraunt, they throw you out before you can make full use of your purchase/stay. ect.
And even worse, the TV censors use that horrible bleep sound that hurts yer ears to drown it out.

Quite frankly, I think the eff word should be deleted entirely from the English language...purely to put these self righteous authoritarian effwits in their place.

Personally, I find it one of the most useful, descriptive words ever. It can be used to express shock; surprise; disgust; anxiety; pain; depression and woe is me; joy & flippancy; remorse...and, how the eff would I know. Sadly, the powers that be see it as being purely offensive/related to events which occurred during Clinton's Oval Office days...which clearly suggests to me it is they who have the dirty, one-track minds: thus punishing us for our innocent use of the eff word because of personal shame over having deviant, perverted thoughts